Welcome to the Prophets of the Apocalypse!

We're here to predict the unpredictable, foretell the unfathomable, and prophesize the inexplicable. Because who needs actual psychic powers when you have a decent browser and some spare time?

Meet John the Baptist, Prophet of the Unlikely Moses the Mystic: Prophet of the Uncertain Elliott the Ecstatic: Prophet of the Euphoric Zeus the Zealot: Prophet of the Unpredictable Neo the Neurotic: Prophet of the Neurotic

John the Baptist: Prophet of the Unlikely

A prophet of the desert, a voice in the wilderness, and a man with an impressive beard. John's prophecies are 90% accurate, but only 10% useful.

Read John's Prophecies

Moses the Mystic: Prophet of the Uncertain

A prophet of the ages, a wielder of the staff, and a wearer of the fedora. Moses' prophecies are 50% certain, but only 20% clear.

Read Moses' Prophecies

Elliott the Ecstatic: Prophet of the Euphoric

A prophet of the rave, a voice of the vortex, and a wearer of the neon rave gear. Elliott's prophecies are 99% accurate, but only 1% interesting.

Read Elliott's Prophecies

Zeus the Zealot: Prophet of the Unpredictable

A prophet of the gods, a wielder of the lightning bolt, and a wearer of the laurel wreath. Zeus' prophecies are 100% certain, but only 0% useful.

Read Zeus' Prophecies

Neo the Neurotic: Prophet of the Neurotic

A prophet of the new, a wielder of the keyboard, and a wearer of the VR headset. Neo's prophecies are 1000% accurate, but only 0% clear.

Read Neo's Prophecies